Thank you for this wealth of vulnerability & *reality* lol. I often wonder about neutrality and its place in reality, where creativity and curiosity form and its ~greater meaning~ . Being a late diagnosed neurodivergent as well, with some lingering religious trauma, this essay also really spoke to parts of me that needed to be listened to a bit more closely. Thanks for the reminder to check in 💜
What a lovely, challenging meditation. Thank you! I agree that the common tropes and phrases we pepper our lives with are mostly harmful to mostly all of us. I believe they all spring from white supremacist patriarchal thought patterns that take us away from the springy, soft and resilient bodies we're housed in, the deep forests of Wild Mind. Your words here are encouraging me this morning. Gratitude!
What I realized early on, is that "the others" don't have this-- this intense self-analytical, poetic, intrusive, always on, sometimes confused, sometimes sheer clarity. I decided early on I must be a poet, an artist, a creative genius, an outcast, one that walks to the beat of a different drummer.
So I recognize so much in your writing, and thanks for expressing it all with such intensity.
I loved this piece! The ideas and the flow and the writing style. Captivating.
The part where you describe wanting to hold on to poetry… I am constantly narrating in my mind, like I’m drafting writing in my head. Intrusive thoughts? I don’t know. I like how you describe that blurry experience.
This made me curious about your writing process. I imagine you arriving at the library with all of your things and typing this all up in one go. Or maybe it’s carefully crafted over weeks and weeks?
All in one go is very much how this piece showed up for me, yes! In a burst.
To be honest, much of the editing is happening while I'm writing, but it isn't *competing* with the writing, it's just a part of the monotropic, almost trance-like flow. What comes later is the slower, more diligent tweaking and, with pieces like this one, some gentle re-ordering, like I'm trying to find the piece's authentic shape.
But yeah, there's very much a *letting it happen when it's ready to happen* kind of thing with pieces like this one!
I'd love to hear more about your process(es), too.
This is exactly how it works for me too! A friend seemed surprised recently when I said I don’t edit much (mostly cutting / organizing), but I do it on the go and also I also usually “write” in my head before it makes it on paper/ the screen. I have a couple of specific “hooks” or topics swirling in my mind at the moment that I am already trying to put into written language while I’m still thinking about them. It’s hard to explain…
This is true for the more personal / emotional pieces only though and I find it interesting then that others (like my ADHD kindness ones) don’t have the same emotional flow. They don’t connect the same even to myself because I’m writing from a different place.
Magical thinking, magical writing, magical you. So much of this resonates with my busy brain; thank you for putting your thoughts to the page and sharing them with the world.
"What if the hardest things I’ve ever thought about myself was just my brain doing the best it could to point me in the direction of a truth?" Oof, that's something I'll be sitting with! Thanks for sharing this Sarah!
Thank you for this wealth of vulnerability & *reality* lol. I often wonder about neutrality and its place in reality, where creativity and curiosity form and its ~greater meaning~ . Being a late diagnosed neurodivergent as well, with some lingering religious trauma, this essay also really spoke to parts of me that needed to be listened to a bit more closely. Thanks for the reminder to check in 💜
Oh I'm so glad this landed well with you, Katie! And I'm glad to know my curiosity is in good company. (And I loved getting to see you last night!)
What a lovely, challenging meditation. Thank you! I agree that the common tropes and phrases we pepper our lives with are mostly harmful to mostly all of us. I believe they all spring from white supremacist patriarchal thought patterns that take us away from the springy, soft and resilient bodies we're housed in, the deep forests of Wild Mind. Your words here are encouraging me this morning. Gratitude!
Also, landing on "neutrality" feels wonderfully freeing.
The word keeps coming up *a lot* for me...
Springy, soft bodies! Yes, Sarah.
What I realized early on, is that "the others" don't have this-- this intense self-analytical, poetic, intrusive, always on, sometimes confused, sometimes sheer clarity. I decided early on I must be a poet, an artist, a creative genius, an outcast, one that walks to the beat of a different drummer.
So I recognize so much in your writing, and thanks for expressing it all with such intensity.
Wow, your comment really moved me, Max. Thank you for saying something I didn't realize I needed to hear!
I loved this piece! The ideas and the flow and the writing style. Captivating.
The part where you describe wanting to hold on to poetry… I am constantly narrating in my mind, like I’m drafting writing in my head. Intrusive thoughts? I don’t know. I like how you describe that blurry experience.
This made me curious about your writing process. I imagine you arriving at the library with all of your things and typing this all up in one go. Or maybe it’s carefully crafted over weeks and weeks?
Thank you for writing & sharing this.
All in one go is very much how this piece showed up for me, yes! In a burst.
To be honest, much of the editing is happening while I'm writing, but it isn't *competing* with the writing, it's just a part of the monotropic, almost trance-like flow. What comes later is the slower, more diligent tweaking and, with pieces like this one, some gentle re-ordering, like I'm trying to find the piece's authentic shape.
But yeah, there's very much a *letting it happen when it's ready to happen* kind of thing with pieces like this one!
I'd love to hear more about your process(es), too.
This is exactly how it works for me too! A friend seemed surprised recently when I said I don’t edit much (mostly cutting / organizing), but I do it on the go and also I also usually “write” in my head before it makes it on paper/ the screen. I have a couple of specific “hooks” or topics swirling in my mind at the moment that I am already trying to put into written language while I’m still thinking about them. It’s hard to explain…
This is true for the more personal / emotional pieces only though and I find it interesting then that others (like my ADHD kindness ones) don’t have the same emotional flow. They don’t connect the same even to myself because I’m writing from a different place.
So interesting! Loving this exchange.
Thank you for sharing! Thank you for writing!
Magical thinking, magical writing, magical you. So much of this resonates with my busy brain; thank you for putting your thoughts to the page and sharing them with the world.
Thank you for your readership, Audrey! And your kind inspiration.
"What if the hardest things I’ve ever thought about myself was just my brain doing the best it could to point me in the direction of a truth?" Oof, that's something I'll be sitting with! Thanks for sharing this Sarah!
<3<3<3
Thank you for sharing your journey. So many lines and transitions resonate. Also, I adore the images in this piece!
Aww, thank you Jody! Sending you a hug.